Adèle Barclay
We Are Stupid Little Animals
when I eat dirt
I look you in the eye
and I see you see me
eat dirt
and when I say a word
the sound waves
touch your face
and light up your brain
you twitch
in a way that says ‘okay’
and then I say ‘okay’
we take a breath
and jump into a kiddie pool
full of leaves and moss
it smells like plastic and mold
this isn’t a dream
you say ‘you deserve better’
as if I haven’t heard that before
as if I haven’t heard that before
from you
you and your toy boat
lodged in the sink
I need to get out of this square
we built for feelings
two floodlights pouring into the sky
a text message
a supernova
or maybe a satellite
the world
or maybe an avocado husk
I dropped my ring
beside your bed in the dark
you looked for it
and said ‘oh no another poem’
and I said ‘oh no no more’
I look you in the eye
and I see you see me
eat dirt
and when I say a word
the sound waves
touch your face
and light up your brain
you twitch
in a way that says ‘okay’
and then I say ‘okay’
we take a breath
and jump into a kiddie pool
full of leaves and moss
it smells like plastic and mold
this isn’t a dream
you say ‘you deserve better’
as if I haven’t heard that before
as if I haven’t heard that before
from you
you and your toy boat
lodged in the sink
I need to get out of this square
we built for feelings
two floodlights pouring into the sky
a text message
a supernova
or maybe a satellite
the world
or maybe an avocado husk
I dropped my ring
beside your bed in the dark
you looked for it
and said ‘oh no another poem’
and I said ‘oh no no more’
Bad Women
"She changed out of a leopard-print crop top and into a leopard-print button-up" is how my novel both begins and ends.
In the dream I ask my ex which one of you is pregnant? My ex is swaddled in dark blue blankets so I can’t tell. They hesitate, so I look up from the fishtail I am trying to braid with strips of stiff, shiny grey cloth. They confirm that their partner is the one carrying the baby. A genderqueer friend has provided genetic material. In real life I learn from a Facebook post that my ex and their partner are homeschooling the child and expecting a newborn. I remember walking with my ex on Dallas Road: they espoused anti-homeschooling views while I stared at the Olympic mountains. I’ve never had an asymmetrical haircut on purpose. I want to reenact the webcam scene from American Pie. The girl undressing in the skeevy boy’s room but this time aware of the camera. The absurd macho fantasy is that we’re not aware. I also dream a friend becomes a lover and informs me he is about to get involved with Gwen Stefani. He asks how I feel about that. I tell him it’s complicated because I used to look up to her when she was in No Doubt but then I was turned off by her deep cultural appropriation of Harajuku girls. And more importantly I want to meet his wife. I think I’m getting better at non-monogamy. Your boss at the cobbling shop picks up a pair of mangled heels and hisses Bad girl. Later I’m reading my friend’s crime thriller novel aloud and a character pleads Mommy. Both of these utterances give you feelings. When we first got together you said "Well, you can’t gaslight your own body." |
ADÈLE BARCLAY's poetry has appeared in The Pinch, Heavy Feather Review, Fog Machine, PRISM, The Puritan, and elsewhere. She is the recipient of the 2016 Lit POP Award for Poetry and the 2016 Walrus Readers’ Choice Award for Poetry and has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Her debut poetry collection, If I Were in a Cage I’d Reach Out for You, (Nightwood, 2016) won the 2017 Dorothy Livesay Poetry Award. She is the Poet-in-Residence for Arc Magazine and an editor at Rahila's Ghost Press. Her second collection of poetry, Renaissance Normcore, is forthcoming fall 2019.